My Walk of Darkness and Light

 Today's article was written by a friend, Jared. I asked Jared to share his story because I feel there are many people out there who deal with depression and feel removed and disconnected from any sense of belonging and of love. It can be easy, when things don't go as we planned, to feel that God isn't with us or has forgotten us. But remember, when things don't go as we planned, it is because there is something far greater in store for us. This is Jared's story of growing up, battling depression and finding solace in his faith.

My Walk of Darkness and Light

There can be many things that lead us to stray from the path of God. For me, I never believed it was possible to stray off that path until a friend of mine pulled me off the edge of a balcony just before I was planning to jump. I grew up probably the way most people do. I had a great set of parents that got me involved in church at a young age. They would take us to church every week and we would sit in our Sunday school class then play in the nursery or attend children’s church. Sure, I got picked on a lot when I was young but I always seemed to bounce back. I was the scrawny kid that knew better than to be mean back to people. I had some rough times physically and emotionally. There were fist fights and emotional bullying. Again, I seemed to keep it together because of my faith. I had a good support system in my parents and my church family to keep myself from letting the darkness out. As I got older, I was in the church plays and very involved with the youth group. My friends became my support system and things seemed to be going in a great direction in high school. Then I went to college.

 I was a decent athlete and a half decent student. I looked more at college as a way to continue my sports career more so than I did a chance to get a great education. Seeing as how I put more emphasis on my sport than my studies you can imagine how devastated I was to have injured myself in a pre-season contest. This injury was the main turning point in my walk away from God. We had our battles in the past, but this was different. This was just an up and walk away without even knowing it. This injury lasted with me for my entire collegiate career. Not living up to what I knew my potential to be lead to allowing myself to start drinking. This also then led to promiscuity with females on campus. I started to feel much like Solomon must have. I was running the exact opposite direction from what I believed in and what I knew I was supposed to be doing.

After I graduate college, I was left with what felt like nothing. Sure, I received my degree and ended up doing pretty well in both school and sports. However, without the structure of both of those things I quickly slid even further from God. Living with a friend of mine, I started doing what most of us probably did after college. I would work and I would play, and I played hard. Every weekend was like a continuation of college. We drank and we partied. However, I was no longer an athlete so I let myself party and drink even more. There were no coaches to report to, or teammates to let down. During this stage of my life I started to really experience depression. If I wasn’t drinking myself into complete drunkenness, I was alone in my room. I would seclude myself from the rest of the world.

This is where my friend comes in. In fact, he came in three times. On three separate occasions, he had the perfect timing. In a span of about 6 weeks he had saved my life three times. The third time is when he had enough. He called my parents. They did not know what to do. My parents tried very hard to balance helping me without me shutting them out. I started to get away from the alcohol but the promiscuity stuck around. Three years and three jobs later I found myself finally starting to get it. I had lost two of those jobs because of the bad choices I had made. The turn-around started when I met a very special girl.

This girl started to challenge me in a way I have never been challenged before. She made me want to show off how much I knew about God and the Word. We started dating and she made it very clear that church was something that would be a part of our relationship. We went to church fairly casually up until we got married. At this point, we started attending more regularly and I really started to pay attention. Not a coincidence at all, but my life started to get better. Things started working for me instead of against me. I opened myself back up to a Lord and Savior that I hadn’t known in so very long. I would get emotional in church because I realized that he let me back in with no questions asked.

Over the last year I started attending a men’s group and a young couple’s small group. Both of these extra activities have allowed me to further grow my knowledge and share my faith. I can proudly say that it has been over two years since I thought about seriously hurting myself. That dark feeling has been taken away from me. God most truly is the light of the world. I believe that he placed my wife in my life to show me the way back from darkness. I believe that the power of prayer and fellowship can really heal broken hearts and broken spirits. Now more than ever I am not afraid to speak about my bleak past. I made a lot of mistakes and I hurt a lot of people, but God has shown me that by facing those events I can be made whole again. He has made me strong so I can be a disciple and help those that are not strong.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.”
~Proverbs 3:5-8